Vaginas and Vulnerability: Two Things Men Fear Most

—
It’s rather ironic that men, most men, crave vaginas. Ok, let’s be politically correct. They crave women, who are attached to vaginas. And, gay guys, I get you too. You crave appendages of the penile form, attached to men.

Regardless of the craving, the ensuing intimate, teeth gnashing, orgasmic act that follows your sexuality leanings, truth is, most of us guys fear getting naked, and are even more petrified of being vulnerable outside of the bedroom. Which is rather humorous when you strip vulnerability and sex down to the bare facts.

Sexual conquests—hetero or homo—for most men, evoke carnal desires that lead us into the dark scary territory of vulnerability. No amount of locker room boasting, practice getting from first to third base, or working out to get our bodies in peak shape, prepares us for being under the microscope of vulnerability.

We pant like dogs, ready to pounce at the first opportunity of a sexual conquest, and then in a flash, the moment it’s time to drop the drawers, our naked vulnerable truths show up. Am I cute enough? Furry or too furry? Is my bubble butt too bubbly or too flat? Did I forget to put on deodorant or is she/he into the manly smells? Am I endowed or should I be less proud?

While sex raises some of our biggest inadequacies, between our legs and ears, vulnerability in general, tends to have a similar effect. We’re so afraid to let anyone see us for who we are, that we keep the lights turned off on most parts of our lives, sneaking under the covers, in hopes that what we lack will never be discovered.

All those insane attempts to hide, leads to a giant cover up to avoid our inflated shortcomings. As men we’ve embraced Fake News about our ability to be vulnerable before Fake News even became a household adjective. For generations, men have borne the burdensome lies that, “Showing your emotions and being vulnerable make you less of a man!” Which begs the question…

We crave being naked in bed so why can’t we crave being vulnerable in life?

The two go hand in hand. The most stripped down act is being naked and having sex. For most of us that first time we stripped down to change into our gym clothes petrified us. We did it, even if there was some weird emotional awkwardness, and we survived.

The next time most of us felt terrified of being naked and vulnerable was our first sexual experience. Again, we did it, even if there was some weird emotional awkwardness, and we survived.
If you get what I just unraveled, you now have the winning play, right out of the playbook from your past for being vulnerable. Vulnerability is about stripping down, being naked in life, feeling petrified, pushing through it, even if there is some weird emotional awkwardness, and surviving.

However, that sounds a little overwhelming, so let’s simplify it. Vulnerability is like sex. First, it scares the crap out of you. Then you realize it’s really fun. Now, can’t stop doing it.

You only need to give vulnerability try, a chance, and some practice.

All this might sound good or a little scary, except we’re men and we’d rather not have to work at being vulnerable. Really? We’re going to go all masculine, chest pounding, blather about how we can’t justify being vulnerable?

Get over it guys. Vulnerability isn’t a one and done money shot!

Just like sex, it takes practice to become good, no strike that, it takes practice to become great at being vulnerable, and I have yet to find a guy who wouldn’t want to practice sex to become better at it, so why not do the same with vulnerability.

Practice saying, “I don’t know.”
Practice saying, “I feel scared.”
Practice saying, “I really suck at this.”
Practice saying, “I need help.”
Practice saying, “I have no idea how to be vulnerable.”

Practice living your truth, practice facing your fear of life’s vaginas or penises, and practice admitting that vulnerability scares you.

Through practice, we men finally find the path to admit that vulnerability rocks, rather than shocks our system. Played correctly, vulnerability can give us a hard-on for life, breaking us free of the closets of fear and shame that haunt us about being vulnerable and transparent.

Besides practice, it takes courage, confidence, commitment, and consistency to be vulnerable.

Courage to go where you may have never gone before as a man, in mind and actions.
Confidence to trust yourself to be fully yourself and know you’ve got this.
Commitment to stay the course even when situations and people throw detours at you.
Consistency to be raw and real, knowing that it makes you a better man.

Vulnerability is a gift, that opens our stubborn hearts, chases the macho chaos out of our heads, and challenges us to step into the soul men we are, even when it reminds us that once upon a time we were frightened of vaginas (or penises), and vulnerability. Up until now!
—